hijack modern au for roy

happy birthday

Hiccup isn’t on board in this fad of hating your own birthday. He can’t bring himself to hate presents and parties and his dad letting him sit in his room and ignore everything just for a day. He like that he’s older and is only three years away from being legally able to move out and not have to make up explain whatever project he’s working on to every person his dad invites over.

No, Hiccup hates Rapunzel’s birthday.

"It’s going to be really big this year," she says cheerily, "Eugene’s inviting his friends. And that cousin of Merida’s is coming. Please don’t roll your eyes, Hiccup. It’s going to be fun!"

There are two things you can guarantee when Rapunzel says something is going to be fun:

  1. It will involve Hiccup sitting in a corner and staring at a couple making out.
  2. He will have to interact with Flynn Rider at some point.

It’s not that Hiccup dislikes the guy. Flynn acts civil to him, ruffling his hair and calling him kid, which is more than he can say for half of the other guys in Rapunzel’s year, who stick their foot out when he walks past and decide to get their dirty on in front of his locker.

(Also, Rapunzel calls him Eugene? Hiccup’s never asked.)

But Flynn and Hiccup are very different people. Two different types of brown messy hair and two different types of relationships with Rapunzel. Two different circles of friends and two different social lives. And if he’s being honest, Hiccup doesn’t like the way Flynn laughs at some stupid jock joke or the types of stupid drinks he orders when Rapunzel drags them both out.

"If there’s so many people there, why do you need me?"

Rapunzel nudges him with her shoulder, green eyes turned on him like spotlights.

"You’re my friend, Hic. It wouldn’t be the same without you," her eyes light up, and she says "Invite that girl you were talking about. Astrid?"

Hiccup thinks a vein bursts somewhere because he splutters “I can’t- why- I can’t just ask Astrid to a party.”

Rapunzel does that half-pout thing that Hiccup doesn’t find endearing, not at all, no sir-ee.

"Fine," he finds himself saying, and that’s how Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III ended up in a corner with Flynn Rider watching a couple make out.

"It was cool of you to come," Flynn shouts over the music.

"What?"
"What?"
"I can’t hear you."
"It was cool of you to come! It means a lot to Rapunzel." 

"Yeah," Hiccup says, and because there’s not much to add he throws in "she really likes you."

Flynn looks at him for a moment before saying “yeah, I like her too.” 

They’re not bros or anything, but yeah, Hiccup likes Flynn Rider.

But then some guy who knows Flynn’s cousin from lacrosse last year starts talking and Hiccup makes a run for drinks in those stupid red cups. 

Merida’s making a show of balancing a spoon from her elbow so Hiccup basically has to become part of the wall to get past the gathering crowd of teenagers, though this has an upside because the only other guy getting food is some douchebag that’s probably on some sort of sports team with Flynn. 

"It’s Hiccup, right?" the douchebag says as Hiccup spears a square of cheese with a toothpick.

"Unfortunately," Hiccup replies, but doesn’t walk away because the food is here and at least someone’s talking to him (without having to shout over the music, bonus).

"Jack," the guy says, shaking his overly-peroxided hair out of his eyes, and continues with "so how’s the deadbeat party treating you?" and straight away Hiccup doesn’t like him, because this might be some stupid deadbeat party but it’s Rapunzel’s stupid deadbeat party, and what’s this asshole done that makes him a party critic? because Hiccup’s 99% sure that he saw male-goldilocks trip up the stairs one time. Yeah, he went there.

Hiccup’s totally about to verbally bitch-slap this guy in the face (or, more likely, make a dry comment and stalk off) when Merida decides that actually, food is way better than spoon balancing and stretches her arms around both boy’s shoulders. 

"Ye know whit I hate?" she asks as she attempts to grab a cup while keeping her arm around Hiccup’s neck, "Party food. I’m still starvin’ efter I eat half the plate."

Hiccup fills a cup with punch and passes it to her, regretting it immediately when half of it sloshes down his neck. 

"It could be worse," Jack-the-asshole says, "it could be that food you get at family functions."

Merida lets go of her headlock on Hiccup to turn to her full attention to Jerkilocks (haha, good one Hiccup).

"Yoo’re American. Whit would ye know abit family functions?” 

Hiccup expects Jack to go wide-eyed like Hiccup did when he was faced with 'if yoo're dad's Scottish, hoo come yoo're not?' more than 10 years ago, but Jack grins and says “I think my sister has pretty much everyone else covered.” 

Merida stares at him for a moment and then downs the rest of her drink in one go. She raises her left hand and Hiccup thinks oh god i’m getting in a drunken brawl but then some San Cisco song starts playing and Merida disappears back into the gathering.

Jack and Hiccup lock eyes and Hiccup says “she lets me off because my family’s Scottish.”

"What?" Jack says, "with a last name like ‘Haddock’? I thought you were Swiss.”

"Understandable," Hiccup replies, thinking this is a good moment to make his dramatic exit, but is interrupted by Rapunzel.

"It’s so great you guys could come," she giggles and punches Hiccup in the arm good-naturedly, "I told you it would be fun." 

She buzzes off to join the dancing, and Hiccup supposes she’s right in way but at the same time he could be at home.

"Regretting coming?" Jack asks, and Hiccups momentarily panicked because he’s just been insulting a mind-reader, but there’s something about Jack’s easy grin that say these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

"No," Hiccup lies through his teeth, "why, are you?"

"Of course not. Social interaction? Love it."
"That’s a coincidence, me too." 

"I spend most of my time partying well into the twilight hours."

"We’ve got that in common. I regularly spend time with my peers.”

"Badass," Jack says, and hey, maybe Hiccup does like this dude? Whatever, Rapunzel’s making her speech which means Hiccup can leave soon. 

"See you around, Scottish warrior," Jack calls as Hiccup heads for the door, and Hiccup’s changed his mind, he hates that guy.